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Merry Christmas in Heaven

Dear Melissa,

It’s your first Christmas in Heaven, and Jake and I have many questions that we’ve discussed between the two of us…

Is Jesus’ birth even recognized as a special event in Heaven, like it is (supposed to be) for us here on Earth? Or is every day there equally special in celebration in a way we can’t even imagine here? I picture you with the biggest smile on your face and in your eyes, like you had here. You had such excitement about the Christmas holiday, and you were such a thoughtful gift-giver, and our son is so much like you in those ways. He brings me such joy as I watch him.

Can you see us and hear us? Neither one of us is sure of the answer to this, but we still talk to you. My words tend to be silent and internal, because it still hurts too much, but when we’re at home, Jake talks out loud to you on a regular basis. And we talk often about you — what you would like about our day, what would drive you crazy about our day, etc.

Do you know how much we miss you? I’m guessing you have an idea. In recent years, you and I had spoken a few times about this potential scenario because of your chronic illness, but I never imagined it could or would happen so soon. We were supposed to have many more years together, at least in my plan. And when I think about the fact that Jake will not have his Mom in his life for the rest of his life? Well, it’s too overwhelming for me to even consider.

But how are things for you? I would think they’re pretty awesome. We speak often of how you’re pain-free now, and that’s something that brings us so much joy. If someone had asked me even a few months ago what I would have done to let you be free from the pain of your chronic migraines, I would of course have answered, Anything.” Well, this has to fall within that scope of anything,” even if it’s not the solution I had in mind. We love you like crazy (Jake would say, I love you more” just like you did), and we’re happy that you’re whole now, and in the presence of Jesus. Speaking of…

Dear Jesus,

It’s another Christmas in Heaven for You, and I have questions for You, too.

I don’t know if Melissa can see us or hear us, but I know You do. I know Melissa can’t be with us now, but I know You are. Psalm 34:18 says, The LORD is close to the brokenhearted; He rescues those whose spirits are crushed.” Well, if that’s true, and I believe it is, You must be very close to us right now.

You came to the Earth once, a long time ago, which is what we celebrate right now. You left that perfect place we think of as Heaven and came to be one of us, to be among the simplest of us, to be the sacrifice for us. Could You come another time? We need some more of what You brought the first time — that joy that was promised, the peace on earth, the goodwill among people. We need healing and hope. We needed You then, even if we didn’t know it, and we need You still now.

O come, O come, Emmanuel — God with us.

Posted on 2020-12-23   #Christmas     #Death     #Holidays     #Grief  

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